King Arthur: Legend of the Sword is similar to other Arthur stories in that some of the names and places are the same. And that’s about it. Some will equate it to no less than blasphemy while others will label it a “retelling,” but the fact is simply that it is a really fun watch. That’s right. This movie is fun.

First of all, this is just a Guy Ritchie mob movie, but Avengers in style, medieval in tone, with Charlie Hunnam’s good hair, and combining every genre that he usually does into one movie. They’re all great, he’s great, and I’M SO UPSET THAT THIS DIDN’T DO WELL. I want three more of them, which was apparently the plan, but for the fact that the average movie goer can’t suspend their disbelief, preconceptions, or big mouths for just a few minutes and judge something based upon its own merits, all the while shutting the eff up so that I can get what I want. But I digress.

We have seen the King Arthur story over and over again (just me?), but this format hasn’t been done before. It’s fast paced. It’s a totally different take on the lost king narrative. I could go down the rabbit hole of the swaddled child shipped down the river in a basket like Moses but I’m sure that wasn’t intentional..

Perhaps audiences just didn’t know what to do with a movie that doesn’t know if it’s fantasy or not, but I do know that I was all in after just a few minutes because the only notes that I took said this:

OMG what the giant Pachyderm

Cast is too good for this clip (I have no idea what I meant by that)

Tentacle birches (I meant bitches but was too into it and didn’t want to miss anything. Typically I leave my typing mistakes as is because they are hilarious.)

So yes, it begins with a giant Pachyderm battle. I had no idea what I was about to see, and there was a lot of yelling at the screen and I’m sure I was making crazy faces like I do when I’m actually really into a movie, which is rare.

Secondly, the tentacle bitches. I was physically ill every time they popped up out of the water in Vortigern’s flooded basement, but I don’t like snakes. And the slurping sounds. Save me.

The characters were solid. The actors put in the effort. I do not recall anyone mugging for the camera to take the easy way out and phoning in their performance. Now, bring up David Beckham all you want, but why is he a problem here? He does nothing but to “Oi, both hands,” and frankly, it’s hilarious.

The scenery looks stunning. It’s also nice to not hear someone just casually strumming a lyre or hitting some drums occasionally to include some kind of musical accompaniment. The soundtrack feels very British and very appropriate and I enjoyed it. Try that shit in a Western though and I will come for you.

Thoughts:

Charlie Hunnam looks like he’s wearing a cool dad Eddie Bauer wardrobe. Approve.

RATING: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐