Oh how I love Major League and sports movies of the 80s variety. Summing up our plot, a rich widow inherits the shit Cleveland Indians but can’t sell the team and move it to Miami (because who wants to live in Cleveland…) unless game attendance is a record setting low.

Easy enough, just fire everyone and bring in a catcher, Jake Taylor (Tom Berenger), who has blown knees, Third Base Roger Dorn, (Corbin Bernsen) who is too precious to get in front of the ball, and pitcher Ricky Vaughn, (Charlie Sheen), just paroled. Let’s not forget Pedro Cerrano (Dennis Haysbert), can’t hit a curve ball, and Willie Mays Hays (Wesley Snipes), can’t hit anything.

As these things always go, the team starts off the year in the toilet. But gradually the players overcome their individual shortcomings and become a team that can compete and win in the end. This is not why we are here. We are here for subplot Jake and Lynn.

I remember having the most inappropriate crush on the Jake character. And why? There’s certainly nothing to see here in an old, overweight, white guy with bad knees who wears readers. I would not be dissuaded. Preteen me thought that the romance with his ex-wife was just dreamy. In reality, what we have here is a way past his prime Jake stalking his seemingly happy ex wife until she, far to willingly in my opinion, sleeps with him. Now Lynn the accomplished and smoking hot librarian has to decide whether she wants to dump her fiance for Jake. Let me tell you, THIS PLOT DID NOT AGE WELL.

Like, girl. What are you doing? This banker (?) who obviously has a nice midtown apartment, a 401k, and can take you to brunch whenever you want is the way. Not the guy who will get with other women on a dare and is going to bounce out of the pros on a medical at the end of the season, and yes I’m calling stalker. STALKER. But yes even I was smitten before I easily learned to do better than that trash. Ew. Never would I ever. 🤣

Favorite Character: Pedro Cerrano, one hundred percent.

RATING: ⚾⚾⚾⚾⚾